For the longest time, it seemed that no one was listening. Our muttered prayers simply ended up as part of the world's sonic gravel. Ire flowed like water, and the causes were many. The infernal racket raised in most public places of gathering. The gridlock outside schools come afternoon. The incessant bleating of their shrill voices. The obligatory 'understanding' they're granted by society and the judiciary. Yes, the causes are many, but they are still one. CHILDREN! Wretched mindless trouble-mongering urchins! The world would be a better place without them. Yes, I realise that it effectively severs humanity from its future, but that's sort of the point I was going for. Hurray for extinction!

All this time, it felt like it was just me and a handful of like-minded comrades struggling in a world of child-loving saps. By child-loving, we don't mean the kind of people who get red-flagged on citizens' watch programs. We salute those specimens – while their intentions are unremarkable, their methods certainly deserve praise. No, by child-loving, we mean all the goody-two-shoes out to fashion a world that's 'healthy' to raise children in. A pox on you cowards – less nurturing, more torturing, I say!

But hark! Our silver lining, our white knight has finally appeared. Domex, masquerading as a detergent company, is in truth advocating a cleanup of an entirely different kind. Observe, the latest packaging for their product:



Seems familiar, eh? The bells ringing yet? Let's subject to this to a lineup test:



Zounds! A most ingenious and subversive ploy! Innocuous enough to pass under most adults' radars, yet too sorely tempting in its colourful, flashy quasi-familiarity for the little critters to pass up. After all, we've already established that their judgment is not all that sound. And what happens when a snotty-nosed brat takes a good healthy swig of concentrated floor cleaner solution? Awesomeness happens, that's what! Our prayers were heeded, after all – and salvation has been sent in the form of Domex.

So, do your part and make sure you leave plenty of these lying around where kids congregate! Or better yet, discreetly add them to soft drink vending machines. That way, you might take out a dimwitted adult as well, and do the world yet another favour. I wish you all sweet dreams and a childless future.